Ugh///

Day... I've lost count. It's been one hell of a weekend and well I won't say it wasn't a nice one its just... I'm still hurt. I know it takes time and I know I'll get over it but its still like damn it came to this. No1 but 2 people have in my moving on and that's fine, I'll do it somehow... As long as I don't think about you I'll be fine... but is that possible? It's hard as hell, but not impossible... -sigh- This is my daily journal, I've been absent for a while but next time I'll have more to talk about.

P.S: Being in heat sucks...U_U...3 weeks 9 hours 55 minutes and 33 seconds to go... Can I make it? Well find out, I either do or die.

TTYL

It's so hard, to say goodbye to yesterday...

It's over its done with, I have to move on. I keep repeating it in my head, everything came to a stop soon and everything I thought would last didn't. Don't get me wrong this isn't the first time this has happened (sadly enought)... It hurts like hell right now but, I can only hope things get better... Koori's coming over today...-sigh- At least I won't be alone all day... Thanks to Midori, and Koori I guess I can have a little hope.

How I wish...

It would seem this weekend was the worst one so far, I dunno how it happened but it just did. From arguments, to fights, to just giving up on people. I feel as though everything is falling apart, I hate being upset but lately that's all I have to deal with, is being upset for obvious and non obvious reason. Today put the icying on the cake, I fought with 'you' once again. For reason I dunno, the conversation started off normal and ended with us at each others throats in the worst way, I don't understand it. It went from something that made me smile to sadness because that thing wasn't suppose to make me smile to you basically telling me, I'm A.D.D (which I already know) to me being something else WAY more insulting. I've tried constantly with this whole thing, trying to find ways out of no way, but as of late it seems that It's my fault we didn't last.

I know I've done my dirt but people come on... It's SO not my fault, its no point in arguing though cause in the end nothing is as it seems with you I guess. I can understand you so much but you're so back & forth with all that you think about and go through I'm constantly confused. I don't know how to be around you, I can't treat you like a friend or in you're words how I treat everyone else... If you haven't noticed I didn't date everyone else and its harder to just be friends with someone after all this just happened. I mean c'mon I still feel the same way bout it all. I just don't want any physical attraction or emoticon attraction to you so I keep my distant. I hate feeling all warm and fuzzy when you say I'm pretty in a wedding dress, or as I'm dressing how I look. I hate the way you make me thing about our story and add little cute sense to it smiling as I think about it. I hate the way you make want to cling to you even though I know its wrong, I just wanna be as close and as near as possible.

I hate what you do to me, because in the end its nothing but a tease. I'm trying to move on but no1 of worth wants me and its irritating to be alone. This is all stupid and I don't want anymore to do with it, I hate arguing with you and I hate feeling this way, I wish I never fell for you ever... but I did and I have to deal with my mistake. I doubt you know how I feel even now, and I hope you realize all that shit you said hurt, but I don't care, I'm not suppose to care... but I do. The days our adding up hopefully, things move quickly so I can finally not feel this way, but knowing my luck I'm stuck this way until I explode...


Even as I write this, I'm still wishing I was curled up in a ball happy... with someone who loves me... -sigh- One can dream ya know, and I don't even have those to myself. -___-

~Princess Soichi Ekyco Haru Washu~