Just thought I'd say

My last post to my past.

Months have pasted sense I've lost friends and gained new ones. I think back on my past and I realize everything I did was completely stupid. I saw that half that shit wasn't worth it or wasn't going to work and I did it anyway.

^__^

Now I can laugh about it cause even though I lost friends, they seem happy with life and I'm happy for them. Well, some of them some of them still need to grow up and stop blaming people for there failures. I know I had to, and I did I make my life great or I break it no 1 else but me.

Just a little letter to everyone, even if we don't talk.

I'm happy for you, and I want you to keep smiling and pushing foward. Though we're not close and we don't have communication with one another by choice or by thought of a better cause I wish you the best in life. I swear I do, life is to short to keep bad things going and the world is to small to say we'll never see again but all in all I thank god for letting me meet you along the way of growth.

Live you're dream, because someone else will if you don't.

If you decide you do wanna follow me, or hit me up. Yahoo meh.

Kaorioutlaw@ymail.com

^__^

Ja ne

So I can finally say.

I don't love him anymore.... I'm finally free of the attachment that caused me to be ashamed to speak loves name again. He was m everything and I was his mistake, never again will I ever have to feel that pain, and I finally have someone who loves me more than life, and means it. I now know that all these years I was just something he wanted, not nothing he needed, and even still he's still undying-l in love with her. All of the years denying it and finally, I was right. I'm happy for her moving on, she doesn't have to experience his sorrow anymore either. All we did was fight over something that wasn't worth it.

I'm getting married, to a wonderful Lycan, such as myself. He's a provider, and a great lover. He treats me like his queen, in words, and action. I never have to worry about cheating, or who he's talking to. I'm calm and cool, cause all he wants is me, and only me. This feels so good, my mother was right god rest her sweet soul. He was sent to me by god, and god never gives you more than you cant handle. Tetsuo was a gift from the heavens and I show him such each and everyday... My last name will be Williams soon, that makes me happy. Moving away to Nevada will be good for me, I no long have to rekindle the memories of this hurtful town. I can be happy and free, after putting me mother to rest. She's no longer hurting and no longer in pain, I can be great-ful for that. Heh I wanted him so bad, I wanted him to always be there and love me, now I know his love wasn't for me, and it never will be.

Life has started for me, and suddenly his just seems sad... I remember those day, one day he'll actually listen but I won't be around to find out, I wish him the best.

Signed,

Alexis Deshawn Williams (^______^)

To the Ex-Boyfriend.

COMMON METHOD: WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR EX AND THEN BURN IT.

You think that you're pain is so much more than mine? I couldn't tell you how many times I've acted a fool just for the sake of you. How many times I've givin up so much just for the sake of a fucking smile on your face. You're so upset that you cheated on Hikari with me, you've done the same with me for her so please spare our veiwers the bullshit. Loving you was a privilage to me, and I adored it for as long as I could before things I shrugged off couldn't be shrugged off anymore. I have broken down so many night confused and alone, and prying that things would work out. I have some things to say to you as well.

1) As much as you say you care, you're a selfish child that always wants his way. You cling to the fact that you did all you could for me but besides taking care of me in my worth heath states what have you done for me? I was the back bone of this relationship I did all I could to make you happy and when I failed you made sure to point out all flaws.

2) Realizing I'm a liar when it comes to you isn't a hard task but have you ever just sat down and asked yourself why dose she feel like she needs to lie to me? I doubt it because you dont' think that far. You aditude has always got int the way of everything good you'd ever had when you dod wrong yeah a sorry is there but the only reason you say sorry is because you feel obligated to, you're only sorry that you were wrong dear sayin.

3) You have no idea what the fuck you want. I have always told you I wanted carry your last name, have your kids and have a happy life with you for as long as the world would allow my ass to breath. I've never dropped anything for you? I'm suppose to protect your pride cause thats all you have. My pride was completly gone when I allowed you to love another, and I accepted it. My fuckin pride was gone when I started that 3 way fuckin relationship because I didn't want you to struggle with who to love. I dropped my pride spat on it and took a shit on it for you, for you. (doubt you believe that because that's just how you are)

I admit I lied, and looking back on it I'm glad I did it cause now I see things for what they are. I'm obviously not good enough for our price if sayins as much I've tried I'm just not. You love me, I say it in your eyes monday but your not willing to accept and change. You're stuck in your ways and you can't be wrong if you are its about very little. If you know me so fucking well you know what I want outta my life, you know what I need. I had to adapt to you, and know what to do and how to do it. Some days you didn't even wanna lay with me because you didn't wanna be horizontal you wanted to do to something knowing damn well we ain't have shit to you do.

If he breaks my heart its nothing compared to how you broke it, its still shattering everyday. For 2 hours I laid in his arms crying about you, telling him how much I cared about you. Btw he did play your game I didn't even tell him I had it I brought him batman and let him see the 360 the game is in the draw in my room with Hinata. It's not even fuckin open, I just couldn't bring myself to give you the game because that was suppose to be our 10 month anniversary gift from me.

There some honesty from me, I know its about fuckin time. I have no reason to hold back anymore. Monday night I was selfish, I need you god I need you to be close to me I missed everything about you the way smell, how you touch, kiss, and caress me, how good you make me feel when I'm in your arms. I need to be in your embrace, and yes I was suppose to leave him countless times but I didn't want to. You couldn't leave Hikari for me, you could cheat on her but you couldn't leave her... more than once.

He's good to me, he cares about how I feel and he listens... I don't feel the need to lie.

Loving you has been hell, and I loved you first you think you had it bad. Please. Do what you gotta do but remember when you realize this is all stupid don't come to me wanting to be in my life you could of been a very good friend we could of worked on that before all else but if you wanna go and do this huge as transformation of bad thinking its going to feel the void in you its not. You're just going to be a typical nigga. Even though I love him, my love for you is so much bigger, so much.

Now i have to get over you completely, and if he breaks my heart that's something I'll have to chuck up as a loss. My heart is already broken, so it breaking again won't hurt as bad...

Alexis D Byrd

05/24/1991 to 11/19/2011

Guess death is something we both know about...

The famous choice.

It hurts.

All I can really say.

No much else tell, no one cares how I feel. That I'm crying writting this because everything I've believed in in the last 8 months was untrue or pointless.

You won't even talk to me, it's always like this when you're up there and we argue. You don't care you have somethihng else to keep you busy. While I'm locked in my room feeling like I could die at any moment.

I really wish I would.

I'm hurt because two people didn't know how to be responsible adults.... It's not fair but then again good guys finish last. They get what they want, while I.... get to feel nothing. Absolutly nothing but pain.

You get the satifaction of helping out to two friends.

Our Savor.

It's not even after you so WRONG for doing this.... you get made because I get fed up with it and leave you, not even leave just wanted to leave this place in general. There is no way you can justify you being the one to go to Grand Rapids. Even then I should of been asked, not stated too.

It all dosen't matter now.

You choice.... what was more important to you.

My choice, is to wollow in my self pain, and hopefully waste away. Not like anyone can get into my room I barricaded it with my bed. Didn't eat yesterday, not eattin today. I don't even wanna watch True Blood.

Screw True Blood.

I'm going back to staring at my wall now. If anyone's readying this, (in which case I doubt it) don't care. If he dosen't you damn sure shouldn't.

My secrets

Quite Frankly you're just a bitch....

So today was a very, very angry day for me and well most of my anger automatically went to one precise individual. This weekend was nothing short of a test and, you failed it with flying colors. I'm grateful for my gifts after this because I was warned Thursday night that some bullshit was going to happen this weekend and sure enough it did of course. Now I thought I had at least two people in my life that would do there damnedest not to make shit harder for me than it already is, my ass was fooled like a motha fucka. I can't believe the shit that happened to day and the more I think about it the more I just wanna say fuck friends in general. I could go down the list of all the times I've givin up thing for your little ass to be happy and was MISERABLE for it but hey I guess I'm a totally a different person and just cares to fuckin much about shit. On my anniversary day the day would of been better if you hadn't been there but because you didn't wanna be home I said fuck it I'll take the L only to hear you smiled when we broke up.

Oh thanks alot, thanks a fuckin lot. I checked up on you every times something like that happened comforted you and went out my way to make you feel better, but no I can't get the same shit, I get to see you ass every time I hit a downfall with Hinote. I understand that you don't want me to go through what you did but at the end of the day you went through it you had your chance. As for you're little Rouge egnigma, I don't give a flying fuck as to how she feel and at this moment I don't give a fuck to how you feel. That shit was snake and stupid, don't understand why the argument happened, you're mouth cased it. YOUR MOUTH. You happy cause he single and not with me, either it be an oppertunity to be around him and now worry about my name being brought up or it just be closure that we didn't work out.

It's still some bullshit.

Even when I didn't want to share and make you happy I still did, when I wanted him for myself like you did a year ago, I still fuckin did it because it's something that made you happy and shit. He was my best friend, starting from the point of us breaking up and I fell in love with him, I loved him first. You got him, had him, kept him all of that but whether it be me or another girl it's going to happen.

I have every reason not to trust you anymore, even if I had of talked all the shit in the worth seniority over dick, you should of know to keep to yourself or even if you told him you had better told on yourself Ms. I remember clearly what you said but I dunno what I said at all. Please. PLE-ASE! That's another reason why I asked who told him, because if Midori told him I'd of just takin the L because I did say things to her, but when he wouldn't tell me I know who opened there mouth and started this bull.

As far as I'm concerned 9 years don't mean shit, because if it did my 9 years bestfriend wouldn't be happy that I feel like some stepped on my heart and shat on the pieces. Even when I wasn't around and you felt like you're world was crumbling and you didn't know why I was the one who told you it was Jasmine he was talking to, I told him to be with you instead of me because I want you to be happy...I...

Ya know wha, it worth it going down memory lane and telling you how much I've done cause you've done shit for me the difference is I appreciated it all.

It's fine I'll never have to worry about this again because around you I'll just be a zombie, a normal playful zombie, as far as your concerned. You get the barrier that I put up for people who've hurt me.

Lies, all lies as far as I'm concerned.

You don't want me to love him and try with everything that I am to make our love work? You mad that we got together 6 months ago?

To fuckin bad.

I should be mad that I left for you when I was with him in our 3 way, I accept each time we went back to you and you didn't care why he was back as long as he was. As much as you got away with even though he said he was done with you, you're feeling on our relationship doesn't count.

Especially after this.

I hate being a bitch, I do but this time just like the last time I was to you is justified. This is what people much like yourself have been doing to me over the years.

I hope you're happy...

Funny how that works.

I won't be around much longer once I get the job I'm leaving and I'm not looking back. I want new friends, I want a new surrounding and in all honestly I just want to forget everything and everybody. I won't say a thing to anyone or anybody once I'm able to I'm just going to pack up and leave. Change my number delete my FB and everything else.

Fuck all of this.

So what if I'm being selfish at this point as me if I care.

I've been the least selfish and I get the short end of the stick.

Screw that and all of you.