So today was a bad day, a really bad day. It started off fine, Von-kun picked me up and we went to take Stasia to work. Eh, no big deal right. Yeah until I got home and Hinote calls telling about his ex who was obviously trying to get into his pants. >_>
I asked Von to go get him, knowing he wanted to just hang with me today. We've been trying to not hang as much sense the whole 'I assumed you cheated on me' thing happened. Don't even get me started on how much I tried to correct, and I didn't do what I was accused of.
Sadly enough I wish I did, then I could honestly say I deserved what I got, but eh. No use sitting her and going back on those feeling even though they haven't all left my chest yet. I'm holding alot back for the simple fact I don't like fight and as odd as they sound, I don't.
I know what you're thinking. Wouldn't it be just smarter to just argue one big time rather than a whole lot of small times?
Yes you would be right but in this case, I just don't want to. I just don't wanna ask questions, I don't want answers, I honestly just don't wanna know. It's so much I can say, scream, and cry about but at the end of the day will it make it go away.
No.
What's done is done.
This is the first blog of done in a while, and I try not to blog now a days just so I don't open up. I don't wanna run across the memories if I don't have too.
Arguing with Hinote, and find out I'm sicker than I thought. I just couldn't bring myself to tell anybody. My lungs, my blood, and well my stomach, its all not doing good. The slightest thing could tip it at this point. The Doctor told me if I don't take caution I could end up somewhere I don't wanna be.
In the hospital, with a tube in my stomach, and on blood pressure meds.
Sounds fun right.
Not at all.
Going to the doctor is never fun for me.
What can you do, before you can even tell something like that your mom starts treating you like a dumbass, like you wouldn't go to the doctor to see why you couldn't breath, or eat, or even sleep without waking up in tears because you hurt so much.
Yeah, I'll never get any slack at this point.
>_>
I need to take a shower and do something with myself, I'll probably smoke and just let myself go completly for a little while. I need silence, I need peace, I just need things okay again. My panic attacks are damn near how they use to be, I wake up in cold sweats, I can't sleep alone anymore cause I'm constantly scared of what I feel around me.
I dunno what to do, but whatever it is I'll do it on my own.
No use bugging someone right?
-sigh-
Wrong.
You have a boyfriend.
Who stays constantly mad at me for something I do, or didn't do. Or what he assumes I did.
I can't win.
If I could become a mindless slave and make EVERYONE happy I would. Nothing is on my side in this relationship, not even my damn self.
Yeah its time to go.
I need a break.
Chi its a beautiful night, you know what to do.
~Dark Melody~
(DF calls her this sometimes, its as sweet as it can get I guess with those two) >_>
