How fortunate for someone like myself to deal with this cold life, slightly wishing that I could just get by. This cold world isn't getting any warmer and it seems like I've missplaced my blanket, or it misplaced itself, as I notice people lives changing before my eyes mines seems to have been set back in time. I couldn't believe how hard things have gotten sense I've 19, I thought things would change but it hasn't 2 months deeper into hell and I find myself adapting to this inferno. I think sense birth its been ment for me to be unhappy, I just want someone to always be here for me.
I don't feel like I belong I feel like I'm an outcast, like the friends I thought were friends aren't. Today I was hanging out on Ward and we were listening to music, I heard a track about my previous relationship that everyone laughed behind my back about it hurt to know not only did I put effort into a relationship that I didn't get to keep but my own friends people who I called brother laughed and made songs behind my back. I'm not the best person in the world but something like that makes you question who you can really trust and hold on to, I couldn't really tell them how I felt cause honestly I doubt they'd care... Disappearing isn't something I can do right now, I'm jobless and it seems I'll never have one. Being positive is hard to even do cause after so much disappointment you're like screw it.
So misguided, so outta place every time I breath I don't feel like myself and it sucks... I want a new life a new world the old one is so depressing... I feel somes time I'm the only unhappy one even if my ex lover says he still loves me and misses me all I can ask is 'why' even when I'm not there you still have her isn't that why you fell for her again in the first place, isn't this why we're not together now.
I'm moving on, even if it kills me.
Being shoved from side to side I'm so tired to even inhale the bullshit anymore, friends, family, and even people who clame to love you more than life never keep promises. I'm my own share of stupid that walks the earth and I know that, but this time around I refuse to play the fool. I don't like hurting people but if I have to not to be hurt again I'll do it, which is why I'm not putting myself in the position to hurt anymore.
Even as these tears fall, I wonder will my eyes and soul ever rest or am I destined to be damned forever?
Only time will tell and honestly I think my clock is broken.
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