Just waking up my mind still racing from lastnights events, still not myself yesterday seem to change my personality. I don't feel like a girl what so ever I just feel like a living thing, hell I dunno if I even feel human. I sit here and watch everyone and I see nothing that makes me believe I should attempt to change back to who I was. Should I do it for myself? I doubt I would though being this way is nothing but a release from all I was carrying on my shoulder. I don't feel unattractive, or not good enough, I don't feel like I need to be mad at how I got fucked over by this love thing again. I just don't feel to much of anything anymore.
I still see my self as Sookie, cause after Bill she wasn't looking for anything to heal her heart or break it more she just wanted to be alone. Then the Weretiger came along, and well it was nice while it lasted. Finally she got Eric, something I want I want someone just like him if I ever were to date again he'd be perfect in ever aspect. I mean I know'd he be human and not a real vampire but hell even his flaws would be okay with me. I just want one of my dreams to come to, cause I doubt the other two will. Nursing seems like I'm just not going to be good at no matter how much I want to be one... I wanted to be an actress when I was younger but I gave up on my dream somewhere in highschool and I sigh everyday thinking about it.
I never had any help with anything...
I'm walking this horrid world blind and feeling my ways through and this couldn't suck more. I keep falling and I just get back up like a toddler learning to walk, but this time around I'ma just stay down. I've let people pick me back up but the connection never ends well so I'ma just sit here in the dark and waste away not caring anymore,
"Pain without love, Pain I can't get enough, Pain I like it rough cause I'd rather feel pain then nothing at all."
It's true, and I'm already in a sea of it, but I'm sure nobody notices it. Life is life and the more I breath the more I waste away to practically nothing.
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